A lesson in enacting change
“This mountain brings us nothing but unhappiness,” said the wife of Ming Lo. “Husband, you must move the mountain so that we may enjoy our house in peace”.
Often, when we find ourselves in a relationship with something or someone that is causing us distress, naturally our first approach will be to attempt removing or changing that someONE or someTHING. This can be very exasperating, and only increase suffering. This is so because, more often than not, it is not in our control to make something or someone else change ~ for us.
There is an old wise saying, “If you want someone to change, change”.
Identifying where we have control in our lives ~ and where we do not~ can make all the difference in how we feel in our personal relationships, our jobs, and our community circles.
To find out the small and empowered steps Ming Lo and his wife did to “move the mountain” that was bringing them so much unhappiness, I highly recommend reading this short children’s book. It is simple yet profound insight into the relationships and situations on which we spend much energy, to no avail, trying to change.
Here is an additional parable quoted in Alan Downs’ Why Does This Keep Happening to Me? The Seven Crises We All Experience and How to Overcome Them. Another excellent read about how to make the changes we say we desire:
Once a man was walking through a forest thinking about his tendency to always feel angry.
“I just don’t want to be angry anymore, “ he kept thinking to himself.
Deeper into the forest, he saw the wise sage of the forest standing by a tree- actually had his arms wrapped around the tree.
“Oh great sage”, said the man, “Can you help me? I’ve been plagued with anger all my life, and I just can’t stand it anymore. Can you give me your teaching?”
“I certainly can help you,” said the sage, but first I have to wait for this tree to let go of me.”
“But sir,” said the man, “the tree isn’t holding onto you, you’re holding onto it.”The sage smiled. “That is my teaching”, he said, and let go of the tree and disappeared into the forest.