There is a bumper sticker that says: Don’t Believe Everything You Think. It is a clever way to illustrate that HOW we THINK has the potential to negatively impact how we FEEL and BEHAVE. We give a lot of power to our thoughts, which are often based on assumptions, rather than drawing from any kind of reality or fact finding.
It would be ideal if we could simply “not believe” our thoughts that give us struggle. It would be nice if we could easily eliminate self doubt and second guessing in any given situation or interaction. However, since we can’t always track down for certain the truth in every moment, we spend much of our day interpreting what we are perceiving. In turn, our interpretations may lead us to have thoughts that make us feel bad, insecure, sad, mad or uncomfortable. What do we do with these thoughts then? If we can’t make them go away, what can we do?
Get Curious
When a thought gives us a bad feeling, our first inclination is to try and push the thought away or deny that we had it in the first place. We add a layer of judgment. “I shouldn’t think this way”, or “I feel so guilty that I am having these thoughts”. Unfortunately, this judgement and attempt to rid ourselves of unwanted thoughts can often lead to the thoughts getting even bigger, consuming us to the point in which we feel chronically BAD about ourselves, other people and/or our life situations. We beat ourselves up mercilessly that we can’t just be more positive, more disciplined, more confident, more grateful, etc.
Rather than berating ourselves for our thoughts, we are better off becoming investigators of them. There is usually some reason we are having them. Without judgement, ask ourselves “What is this thought about?” “What is happening that is making me think this way?” “What am I assuming that leads to this thought?”
Observe
When we take the time to cradle an unwanted thought (much like a fussy baby) and trust it’s need for attention, we are giving it space to be OBSERVED. We are taking the time to understand it, rather than jumping to unnecessary action, or assume that the thought is wrong, and should be ignored. Also, interpreting thoughts as neither “good” nor “bad” allows us to have compassion for ourselves, our situations, relationships and interactions.
With this first step of true acceptance and understanding of ALL our thoughts, it is only then we can ultimately let go of the ones that consistently bring us down, and best of all…make room for nurturing the ones that inspire and empower us.
Photo and sculpture by Chris Altschuler