The next time you hear someone ask, “Is it bad to feel this?” or “Aren’t I right to feel this way?” Here is a suggested response:
Feelings themselves are never bad. They are never right either. They are not something with which we agree or not agree, nor something we can judge as making sense, or not. This is because having a feeling is never justified nor, on the other hand, unreasonable.
Feelings or emotions are not based in the parts of our brain that are responsible for logical or rational thinking. Rather, they are better understood as rooted in our biology as a source of power. The power to know what we need in order to make a needed change, or how to respond to any given situation, or even to know when and how to give our attention to someone else’s needs.
According to Julie Holland in her article Medicating Women’s Feelings, society often asks us to “restrain our emotional lives” and “apologize for our tears” and “suppress our anger” in order to be successful not only in our professional lives, but in our personal relationships as well. Although undoubtedly necessary and helpful for many with severe symptoms, psychotropic medication is sometimes prescribed to suppress or eliminate uncomfortable feelings of anxiety or sadness; feelings that are responding to normal everyday stressors.
Holland argues if we don’t feel, we cannot address these stressors. And if we don’t address the stressors, they don’t really go away. It’s like taking the battery out of a fire alarm so we can avoid listening to an irritating buzz, while letting the fire continue on.
This article shows how the discomfort of our emotions can actually act as a benevolent messenger, rather than an evil we need to eliminate. By suppressing this messenger, we obfuscate what really needs to be eliminated, the stressor.
“Change comes from the discomfort and awareness that something is wrong; we know what’s right only when we feel it. If medicated means complacent, it helps no one.” ~ Julie Holland