The title “Growing at the Speed of Wood” comes from one sentence in the novel, Overstory, by Richard Powers. Since this is a reflection in writing, rather than a book review, I will not delve into the details of this book, but will say that I highly recommend you witnessing this collection of stories too large in message to even describe. For every book out there on what nature has to teach us as humans, the pages of smaller stories within Overstory offers its readers an unusual realm of lessons… without an ounce of teaching. I would like to share with you one, of many, lessons I learned.
We, as humans, have to slow down and stop trying to improve.
This, at first, I think will bristle most people. How could that be the goal? Aren’t we usually reprimanding ourselves for not trying hard enough? Should we not always be striving to be better, be our best selves, and improve our skills and relationships? It is what we learned at a fundamental level starting at an early age why we exist in the first place. To use Dr. Gerald May’s words, We are a people of progress. From the time we learn our colors in preschool to the time, as elders, we are trying to keep up with everything that has progressed, we are commended for our improvement.
Let me clarify by saying that the key word in my above lesson is ‘trying’’. We are the only species in the natural world who try to improve ourselves. Other species, in both the plant and animal realms, respond to and participate in the world, rather than any agenda to be better than before. And yet, they evolve in many ways, responding and adapting to changes in their environments, often improving their survival. Could we take our cues from nature and, rather than trying to grow and improve, could we, too, allow ourselves our growth when needed? What’s the difference?
Well, simply put, the position of our goals.
Trying puts our goal as a premise (e.g. “I need to improve my relationship”–the cart in front of the horse), Allowing puts our goal as a result, and gives space to results we may have not even thought of. (“I am going to practice being loving and see what happens”–the horse is in front of the cart) The former is passive and general, and confined to one subjective outcome which can lead to feeling stuck or shame if you don’t achieve it. The latter is more specific, proactive, and tangible and gives space to many possibilities of outcome — promoting movement and a sense of agency. When passive and general goals are looking to reach a specific outcome, we are often frustrated because our very specific outcome isn’t happening. If proactive specific goals are created and open to outcome, something always happens (Just not maybe what we expected). When I work with clients , I always ask them at the end of the session to state one small thing they will practice doing differently until we talk again. It takes the focus off the vague “trying to improve” and puts it on a specific allowing myself to do something different.
And about the slowing down…
Written on the back of the book Simply Sane a reviewer writes about author, Gerald May, “Dr May reminds us that human beings are not objects to be fixed or improved…We need to quit worrying about who we are, to relax and be our natural selves; to accept our craziness, to find love rather than build it.”
In other words, yes ‘we are a people of progress’ but that is because the natural world we live in (and are part of) is constantly changing and progressing. It is happening whether we grit our teeth, rush to our millions of “finish lines” shaming ourselves endlessly for not getting there fast enough, or… if we give space and respond to, and participate in the changes occurring around us. The world asks us not to conquer, not to race, not to dominate or try hard. It asks us to participate in ways that honor we are alongside it, rather than trying to beat it. Because if we do beat it, we beat ourselves. We need to slow down like wood so we can see this, and enjoy our improvements– without trying.
As always Bruce Springsteen for me finds a way to say things simply, humbly and as a lesson… without an ounce of teaching:
“When you’re young, you believe the world changes faster than it does. It does change, but it’s slow,” You learn to accept the world on its terms without giving up the belief that you can change the world. Thats a successful adulthood-the maturation of your thought process and very soul to the point where you understand the limits of life, without giving up on its possibilities” -Bruce Springsteen
Writing Exercises
- What comes up for you when you read ‘Growing at the speed of wood’?
- Write about something you want to improve about yourself or about the world. What would happen if you were to let go of trying, and instead you explored a practice that would give space to and allow for that change? What would your new practice be?
- Write about ways you can slow down in your life, live alongside the world, rather than having an impact on it.
- Think of something you often hear yourself saying “I have to get better at” and change it to “I am going to practice…” See what comes up.
Feel free to share with me what you wrote via email at ellyn@sixwillows.com. If you’d like feedback or have a discussion about what came up for you, let me know and we can schedule a time to talk.