Queen Elizabeth II was once quoted saying “Grief is the price we pay for love”. Although very few would dispute a correspondence between intensity of grief and the depth of attachment, the act of grieving is often treated more like an illness to overcome in an efficient manner, rather than a much needed expression of sadness. An expression that has no expected linear time line. No deadline of termination. No set order of symptoms.
In his article entitled Getting Grief Right, Patrick O’ Malley, offers a breathtaking and compassionate understanding of grief, challenging the well known (if not judgmental) stages of grief we are told to expect (if not instructed) to endure (Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, Acceptance, Return to meaningful life).
O’ Malley offers an alternative way of understanding what we are going through when we experience loss. He removes the potential for the griever to feel behind or unsuccessful in the healing process. What struck me the most is that the process of grief, according to both O’Malley and Queen Elizabeth II, begins way, way before our loss. In fact it begins when we are first beginning to love.
I highly recommend reading this article. It may save you from unnecessary self-judgment and endless attempts to bring closure to your grief; when really what you need is permission to “sink into your sadness”. And above all, to tell and re-tell your love story ~ in order to reach a place of acceptance and healing.